Dream Weaver

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Dreams are a touchy subject for me because I’m well aware this is the prime window for both good and evil to make their way inside and wreak havoc on the mind.  Majority of the time one doesn’t even remember their dreams when they wake up, but of those that are remembered, many of us try to explain them.  Some of us will attempt to figure it out on our own while others seek dream experts.

In my eyes, there’s no such thing as a dream expert.  Dreams are subject to interpretation and I strongly believe it’s up to the individual to figure it out on their own.  No outsider will truly understand the depths of your dreams as that outsider is not you.  That outsider has not lived your life, nor shared your personal experiences and will never understand the very fabric of who you are.

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To me I believe there are three different types of dreams.  The first is spawned by pure imagination as we start to dream about something pleasant as a means of relaxation or meditation of some kind to step away from the daily mundane of our lives.  Sometimes these dreams are 100% controlled by us from start to finish (or until we fall asleep) and they’re mere reflections of who we are.  Sometimes those dreams develop a life of their own and run down a path we least expect.  Sometimes it’s all good, but sometimes it becomes dark and the dream turns into a nightmare.  The only way to end it is to snap awake so that the situation doesn’t get any worse.  To me, these types of dreams are spawned by life’s actual experiences and how the mind responds to them, regardless if the outcome is for the good or bad.

The second type of dream I find are those that put us in places and situations where we feel like we are in control, but the truth of the matter is we’re not.  They’re not bad dreams, but are surprisingly spiritual and this is where caution is of the highest regard.  Is it a good spirit or an evil spirit making contact that is spurring the dream into it’s desired direction?  Pending how you come out of that dream and what your gut instinct tells you about the experience will be your deciding factor.  I have had dreams like this and I do admit I never put too much regard into them because as spiritual as they felt, there was a mixed feeling of those each time I came out of them.

I will share one dream in particular.  Actually, they’re more like a stream of dreams that have occurred mostly during my childhood and into the teenaged years.  I don’t think I’m the only one that’s had something like this, but they are profound enough where I feel they’re worth sharing.

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I recall walking around some given town or village and before I know it I’m elevated.  I’m walking on air it seems at this point.  This starts out to be a blissful experience as I’m able to leap over little houses and have great aerial views of the scenery around me.  It’s a great feeling.  However, as I travel, I find I’m going higher and this blissful feeling is now becoming somewhat frightening.  Suddenly I can’t control my speed, nor the height of my flights and powerlines that I just barely skipped over were now distanced.  The speed is ridiculous and it’s almost sickening.  In these types of dreams I want it to stop and be returned to ground.  Each time I struggle to get back on the ground something lifts me back up and I struggle to get back on my feet where I feel I belong.  None of these dreams actually saw a resolve as I’d wake up each time, but they certainly left an impact.  At the time I didn’t put that much thought into it, thinking it was nothing more than just the innocence of youth wanting to take flight into a big world, but fearing that doing so recklessly would result in disaster.

Going into adulthood I experienced another type of exploaratory dream that started out decent enough, but wound up developing odd twists I could never truly understand.  In these particular dreams I’m at a house that is not my own.  I’m either viewing it as a potential buyer or merely as a visitor and each time it’s a different type of home.  There was one house in particular that was an older house.  I don’t remember people in it, but I do remember exploring around freely and it was a good, solid and clean house.  Oddly enough I don’t remember furniture on the main floor of this house, but when I ventured towards the basement I saw the room I stepped into was furnished like a typical rumpus room where there was an older couch that was in mint condition and an old table with chairs.  The basement seemed simple enough.  There were a pair of rooms that descended down a hallway.  Both of these rooms led to bedrooms it seemed and it was simple enough.  Nothing fancy.

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However, as I continued down the hallway I noticed a door at the end of it.  When I opened up this door I found I was about to venture into another basement of a home that was clearly more modern and fancier than the one I was in.  Because I’m so curious by nature, I continue my journey to see where this new trail would lead me.  The place was beautiful, certainly far more than the house I was originally in.  However, I felt uncomfortable there.  It felt like a false paradise for some reason and I remember as I continued exploring I could hear voices in the distance.  I neared it and saw a short flight of stairs going up.  I didn’t go up these stairs, but I did look up.  What I saw was a group of people, very well dressed and poised, talking amongst themselves.  I didn’t know what they were talking about nor did I want to.   I don’t think they saw me and if they did, they certainly didn’t care about my presence.  To them I was of no matter.  For me at that point all I wanted to do was turn tail and head back to the old house I came from.  However, when I turned around to go back the hallway had changed and the way back wasn’t there anymore.  Next thing I knew I woke up.  I was a young adult at the time when I had this one.

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Another house dream was me going into a mobile home.  It seemed like it was a simple enough design and again, nobody was in it.  However, this time the home was furnished.  Nothing fancy, but nobody was currently in it.  I remember touring this mobile home and at first it was a simple tour.  It was a single-wide trailer so it wasn’t like there was lots of territory to venture into.  That was until I made it to the back of this mobile home and went to the back corner of it’s master bedroom, thinking this was going to lead me to some kind of ensuite bathroom or something.  I was wrong.  It lead me yet into another home and next thing I knew I felt like I was wandering around in a maze.  I never encountered anybody in this one.  I woke up before that frightening feeling kicked in.

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The most eerie of the bunch is a dream where I wake in the middle of what used to be the living room of a destroyed house.  The walls were gone and in the middle of this house where I woke up in had a mattress that was clean and unscathed.  Even I was clean and unscathed, but clearly the only survivor of whatever catastrophe it was that not only destroyed the house but everything around me.  Thing is, I don’t recall any other houses because I never bothered looking.  I was more interested in what I was doing in the middle of  a strange, destroyed house I did not recognize.  I venture around and find stairs leading to a basement.  I go down them.  At the bottom I see a toy car collection sitting in the middle of a barren room.  These toy cars were a very nice collection and for a moment there’s a temptation within me to want to round up the cars and take them with me.  I mean, who would know?  I’m by myself and there’s nobody around that would stop me from taking something that was a favorite toy of mine as a child.  However, in my gut I know this is something that does not belong to me and to take it would be wrong.  What if these do belong to someone and this toy car collection is set before me as a trap to see if I’d cave into temptation or avoid it.  In this dream, as I wrestle with the decision to take or not to take, I walk away from this toy car collection.  However, I can’t stop thinking about them.  I really want those toy cars, but I know deep down they don’t belong to me and I have no right to them.  Then in this dream I spot a room that has it’s door partially open.  The interior of this room is very, very bright and the second I saw that I was drawn to it.  I’m scared to approach, though, because I don’t know what’s next.  As I approach I can get a slightly better view, but not of the room.  What I saw was a man sitting behind a desk or table and he’s reading or writing something.  I can’t tell which it was as I was paying more attention to him than what he was doing.  This man was not a white man, nor a black man, but he did have color to him.  However, it was hard to focus on that color because the garb he was wearing was so white that it drew my eyes to it way more than the man himself.  I will admit, though, there was something about this man that made me feel so small, but oddly comforted at the same time.  It’s really difficult to explain.  I do know he acknowledged my existence, even though he seemed like he didn’t.  Strangely, though, I did not feel threatened by him. I felt oddly comforted, except for that feeling of guilt that I had remotely considered taking those toy cars in the first place.  Thing is, with this man I encountered, he made me focus more on his presence than the temptation of a materialistic item that really doesn’t mean anything.  I think he spoke to me in this dream, but I honestly cannot remember what it was about.  I just know when I woke I was strangely calm and that is rare for me coming out of a dream.  This dream I remember best of all because I remember the year it happened.  It was 2008, the year I moved into my own house, which is an older house and very simple in design and decor.

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The third type of dream is the scariest of all for me.  This one is a nightmare from start to finish and no matter how hard you try, you cannot control it.  It’s like all your worst fears manifest themselves into a horror story you are forced to live through until it’s over.  Of these types of dreams, the earliest I recall was when I was a child.  I remember being stuck in a room with a handful of people, both those I know and those I have no clue who they are, and the room is very dark.  We can barely see each other and we are scared.  For the longest time there is nothingness.  It’s just us and in our state of uncertainty.  That is, until the walls start closing in and our room is becoming smaller and smaller.  Panic kicks in as we realize we’re all about to be squished to death if somehow a miracle doesn’t step in to rescue us from our fate.  What I recall most out of this dream is we’re sandwiched like sardines, barely able to breathe before I snap awake.  I’ve had this one more than once as a kid and they still eat away at me, especially now as I see how the everyday man is now being treated like he is starting to become trapped in his own home and each of us are getting to that point where it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.

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The most disturbing of my dreams is one I had back in the mid-80’s, when I was still a teenager.  I remember standing on a bridge of some given city.  I don’t know the city, but for some reason I have Vancouver in my head.  I’ve never been to Vancouver ever and because of the dream I had, I won’t go there.  Anyway, in this dream I’m on a bridge and on either side of this bridge is mass destruction.  The city is being devastated by something so horrible I can’t even comprehend what brought it about.  Was it war?  Was it a natural disaster?  Was it God himself finally casting his wrath upon mankind for their inequities?  I don’t know because I was way too scared in this dream to bother figuring it out.  All I wanted was to escape, but had no idea how to do it.  I’m on a bridge and neither side of me looks appealing.  Both sides of this bridge are destroyed.  On this bridge I am really, really high and I don’t even remember if below me was a raving river or just a dark cavern.  I didn’t pay attention to detail on that one.  However, I do recall in this dream I felt I needed to get off that bridge because I knew sooner or later it would give out and I’d most certainly plunge to my death.  However, which side do I run to?  Both sides look the same as they’re on fire, shaking violently and there’s mass destruction everywhere.  I pause for a while in this dream, but finally just go and make a run for it.  Just as I reach the end of the bridge to make my leap onto what I think is solid ground, the bridge and the ground separate.  However, before knowing whether or not I made it or plunged I woke up.

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Of all the dreams I’ve ever had, that one has been really eating away at me as I’ve been left to debate if this is an actual dream of Vancouver’s future, or if it’s a metaphor of what I need to do with my life.  Since the day of that dream I now see myself standing on this bridge and every single day I need to make a decision.  Which side do I choose?  Both sides look the same to me and neither side looks overly appealing.  However, taking leaps of faith isn’t foreign to me.  I do this often, even when I disregarded Jesus Christ and God as important entities within my life.  It wasn’t until the death of my best friend in 2008 that I truly started to snap out of my slumber and it wasn’t until moving later in 2008 that I made the effort to get back in touch with God and to read the bible, cover to cover, for the first time in my life.  Sure, I went to church as a kid and the odd visit ot a church from time to time after that, but never really put much thought into Jesus Christ, nor our Heavenly Father, nor about even about humanity.

When I had that basement dream with the toy cars that was a real eye opener for me and I’ve never let go of that.  In my odd little way, I cling onto that as a beacon of hope that perhaps someone like me can still be saved.  All I need to do is redeem myself in the eyes of our savior, Jesus Christ, and remind myself that is only through him that I can truly expect any form of redemption, despite all the misdeeds I have done in my life.

I’m not a bad person, nor was I ever.  I do acknowledge that my faith had always been there, but it was so weak and malnourished that it prevented me from truly making the most out of the first half of my life.  I never tried to hurt anyone, even if I was jealous of them.  I’d try to better them somehow, but to go out of my way to hurt them was just not in me.  However, because I was so badly misguided by my blind arrogance (and ignorance) I was not making the effort to follow Jesus Christ at all, nor did I seem remotely concerned what God would think of me.  I just assumed that I’d be saved regardless of how stupid I behaved at the time.

I’ve since learned that this isn’t so.  Something out of blue (it seemed) nailed me hard in 2008 to jolt me awake and I don’t know if it was due to my best friend’s death (July 11, 2008) or my aunt’s death (1 month after my best friend died) or the decision to move from the noise of the city to the calm of a much smaller community that I felt I desperately needed, or if it was the dream that happened shortly after I moved (September 2008).  All I do know was this was all a very necessary wake up call I needed to stop taking life, God and Jesus Christ for granted.  I took it upon myself to read the bible for the first time ever and I’ve recently taken it upon myself to go through it again as there’s a new batch of dreams hitting me now, along with the realization that the days we are living today are very precarious.

I wish I could explain these new batch of dreams, but most of them I forget shortly after I wake up.  However, each time I have these it feels like someone is trying to grab me or warn me or something.  I don’t know what, but this is alarming me to such a crazy level that I have to somehow maintain my sanity.  This is why I write.  This is why I read.  This is why I share.

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Dreams to me serves as a multitude of communication opportunities between ourselves (within ourselves) and those who are trying to reach out to us.  However, I tread most carefully with dreams as I know it’s a tricky window.  This is why I never go to a dream therapist.  I don’t believe in them.  As much as I try to read into my own dreams, especially the most disturbing ones, I make a point to remind myself that if God is trying to reach me through a dream all I need to do is listen.  Everything else is just noise.

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