How much stock do you put into your dreams? Do you feel it’s God’s way of communicating with you, or are they merely experiences you’ve had that’s being streamed about within your mind as you’re in a subconscious state?
For me it’s both in a way. Not necessarily God speaking to me, but a potential glimpse through a window by the human spirit of what was, what is and what is about to come.
When I was a small kid I had profound dreams of being trapped in a room with familiar faces. This room had no window. It had no door. However, there was just enough light where we could see each other, but we were merely shadows to each other. Nobody recognized me but I recognized them. Together we were all trapped in this room but sadly, I was the only one who realized this from the very beginning the dream began to weave it’s story within my mind. I recall in the dream feeling quite frightened about our situation. I tried to communicate to others about it but it all fell on deaf ears. Everybody around me was oblivious to the situation and it wasn’t until the walls started to move and make the room smaller did the odd person, one by one, figure it out. However, by then it appeared as if it was too late. Still not enough grabbed the reality of the situation and just before we were all crushed I’d wake up in a state of fear from my dream. I’d look around and see all seems well, but good luck falling back to sleep. Wasn’t going to happen.
For me, even though this is a dream that took place nearly 40 years ago, I still remember it vividly as if it just happened. A dream like that is hard to forget.
As a teenager I had another dream that stuck out in such a profound manner that forgetting what happened in that one is impossible. In that dream I’m standing on a wooden swing bridge that is situated very high above ground. Actually, there was no ground below. It was a surging river rushing far below. Even during the best of times, crossing this bridge from one piece of land to the other was scary as this was not really a very sturdy bridge and for those who are afraid of heights or have issues with bridges this is not a recommended form of travel.
However, it was not the best of times in my dream. There was a massive earthquake, or something that felt like one, and there was nothing but chaos, death and destruction all around me. I’m on this bridge, alone, and as I’m standing right in the middle of it I look to the right and see nothing but an enflamed war zone. The view to the left was no better either. As I stood on that bridge, I knew neither direction was a safe one and this added to my dilemma as to which side would be the one where I’d have the best hope for survival. Hope, to say the least in this dream, was bleak at best. At the moment, staying on that bridge was the safest option, but I knew between the violent nature of the situation I was in I knew I had to literally take a leap of faith and make a run for it towards a side of my choosing and literally hope for the best. As it turned out in that dream, however, just before I reached the ledge the bridge gave out and I fell. At least I think I did as I woke up just when that bridge gave out. I know I didn’t plunge into the waters below, but I also don’t recall actually grabbing onto something to prevent me from falling either.
I felt even then, as a teen, that somebody was trying to tell me something. Who that somebody was I’ve never been 100% certain. The spiritual side says God was sending a warning while the analytical side pegged me being at a crossroads when it boils down to making key choices in my life that would carve out whatever destiny I have waiting before me. In essence, both messengers I felt had the same type of message; standing on a bridge is only a temporary safe haven for the undecided. You have to choose and take that leap of faith towards the direction you’ve chosen that it’s the right one for you. Although you don’t want to make the choice hastily, you do have to think and act fast if you don’t want indecision to be the ultimate cause of your own demise.
As a young adult I had a pair of awkward dreams where I’d visit a vacant home that seemed simple enough on the outside, but on the inside it was entirely different. The first of these two homes was an older house (much like the one I live in now) that was built like most homes of it’s era; box style. While the main floor seemed simple enough, this was not the case at all when I descended down the basement. This became a whole new world pretty fast as I explored. At first the basement was simple, but when I went down a hallway at the end of it was a door. I opened it and on the other side was the lower level of a fancy new home that was nothing at all like the older one I was just in. I venture forth, not knowing what to expect, but still curious enough to want to know where this path would lead. I was fine until I started hearing voices and when I look up the half flight of stairs I see people gathered in a family room. What they were talking about I don’t know, but they were completely oblivious to my presence. I was scared because I felt I had suddenly become an intruder for daring to explore. However, before anything more could come of this particular dream I woke up and that was it.
The second home I toured was a single wide trailer and at first when I was inside it seemed normal enough, but when I made it to the back of that trailer I discovered additional rooms and before I knew it this simple trailer became a labrynth of hallways and rooms that seemed endless. I merely woke from that dream wondering how did something that started out so simple become so complicated so quickly.
Just shy of turning the age of 40, I had another awkward dream that has managed to implant itself in my memory like the others. In this one I woke in the middle of a living room of an older house and I’m on a mattress. All around me it’s clear this house is destroyed as there are torn down walls and no roof. Everything around this house was also destroyed, but blurred. The focus clearly wasn’t on the rest of the world. It was about me and this house. When I stood and explored within the ruins of this house I spot stairs leading straight down into the basement. Unlike everything around me, this was the only unblemished piece of construction. I remember going down these stairs and finding myself in a perfectly sound basement that seemed to be impervious to the destructive forces that destroyed everything else.
One thing I recall in this basement was seeing a toy car collection right in the middle of the floor. Beautiful set and undamaged. Very tempting for someone to want to scoop them up and take them. It’s not like anybody would notice because it seems in this dream I’m the only survivor of whatever calamity had just happened. However, I knew even in that situation taking something that doesn’t belong to me was wrong. I paused at the sight of this temptation and in so doing it caused me to have a good look around from where I was standing. As I did this I discovered a small hallway and to it’s left was a room that had a door slightly ajar. There was a brilliant beam of light that shone out of this room that now made it impossible to ignore. At that moment I felt guilt for even remotely considering taking that toy car collection even though I knew at that point those items were no longer relevant to me.
When I approached this bright room, as soon as I could get a better look I saw someone sitting at a desk with his back turned to me. The brilliance of white he wore was partly the reason why this room glowed so much. I never did get a look at the face of the man, but I do know he was darker skinned than I was and although he seemed oblivious to my presence as he was busy writing with a pen whatever it was he was doing, I knew he knew I was there. Oddly enough I felt a mix of fear and relief when I saw him. And no, it wasn’t because I saw him as a fellow survivor. I saw him as something else and as someone of great importance. However, before I could indulge further into where this particular dream was going to take me I woke up.
Of all the dreams I’ve ever had up to this point this was the first time I actually woke up from it without feeling any form of anxiety.
The most recent of my oddball dreams I’ve had was again encountering an older house and it was late at night. It was in a city I was familiar with and I was with people I knew that I considered as friends. We had just attended a concert of some kind and were too tired to go back to our respective homes. One of the friends said she has a relative that lives close by and we can crash there. Seemed like a good idea at the time and I accompanied these friends to it. What I saw was a home that looked healthy enough on the outside, but it was lifeless as there was no sign of anybody in it. We entered this house and while most of the friends opted to go upstairs, which was nice and clean enough, my closest friend and I went downstairs instead. Down there it was terrible. Abandoned. Musty. Everything down there was worn out and it was an entirely different world than what was upstairs.
What I recall most from that dream was the uneasy feeling I developed the second we stepped foot into that house. It amplified once we were in the basement and suddenly that fatigue I felt was replaced with a sense of urgency to get out. I tried hard to alert everyone around me that we should not be in that house but nobody would listen. They, like every other dream I’ve had in this kind of situation, were oblivious to the dangers that evidently only I saw plain as day.
As it turned out, I was the only one with enough sense to get out of that house. Everybody else stayed in side, refusing to listen to my reasoning. No sooner did I get out did that house collapse, burying everyone inside with no way out. I knew just by watching not one of them survived. As horrific as it was to see that I knew I had to keep moving. Evidently escaping that house wasn’t enough. The danger wasn’t over and I knew I had to press on.
I remember in this dream I was surrounded by so many familiarities in the form of buildings and landmarks. It wasn’t difficult for me to walk around in my effort to get as far away from danger as I could, but I knew not one spot was safe for as long as I remained in that city. Along the way I’d encounter shadows of people and when I was in situations where I could warn them I’d try, but it’d be in vain. They, like those closest to me, were unaware just how dire their situation really was. Some saw me give warning but either mocked or ignored it. Some didn’t see me at all. However, all of them didn’t survive. They, like my friends, found themselves trapped in situtations where death was imminent and not one of them could find their way out.
In this particular dream I went from being surrounded by people to watching the population drop off until it felt like I was the only one left. Everything around me had become barren and any sign of life was gone. I remember somewhere along this dream I went from walking on the ground to finding myself floating slightly above ground and then above whatever buildings that still stood. I also remember not being fearful when this happened, but rather relieved. The further I ascended the further I could see the darkness that surrounded me wasn’t just isolated to the neighborhood I had wandered in. It was literally worldwide. I also observed I wasn’t alone going up, but there were such a tiny few who were. I knew they could see everything I saw and I felt this was the primary reason why our ridiculously small number of survivors were getting taken away from a world of darkness that had proven to be inescapable for all those still stuck in it.
The reason I shared these particular dreams is sometimes I look back at them and wonder if that application of God trying to tell me something is valid, or if the life experiences I’ve had has strung these particular dreams together as a result of the kind of life I lived. One thing I have come to realize is that I do see things most people don’t. I am also no conformist despite at one time I made efforts to become one. This doesn’t make me a better person than anyone else, but one thing I also often do is wonder why I am here and in the kind of world I’m in. Why me? Why here? Why now?
I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, regardless if we agree with it or understand it. I also believe in God, but at the same time take moments to have a good look at myself too as I know only I am responsible for my actions no matter how much in control God may be of everything that takes place at all times.
When I look at these particular dreams I wondered if they can actually be strung together to make sense. To me they do. As a kid I see people trapped in a room, surrounded by dark walls with what appears to be no way out. As a teen I see what starts out to be a bridge of safety from two worlds that are in states of pure chaos, but it’s evident just standing on that bridge won’t make you safe as you have to make a decision in order to survive. As a adult what seems simple on the outside becomes complex as soon as you’re on the inside and are willing to take steps and explore around. As an adult, as I get older, these complexities branch out to more than just my immediate surroundings.
One common ground I’ve found most of these dreams have is darkness. The next is oblivion. I actually never gave this much thought until a few short days ago, which is what prompted me to write this blog down. Most people who know me think I suffer from some sort of Chicken Little Syndrom lately where I’m always sounding off alarms and am willing to go to bat over issues where most other people don’t care to. I was a relatively quiet person until the end of 2014, even though I felt awake and alerted much sooner than that. Ever since taking the decision to speak up and try to wake as many people up as I can I’ve found that I’ve actually become the very thing I dreamed about since early childhood. I feel like I’m all alone when I try to get others to see what I see and acknowledge the clear and present danger that stares them in the face. Of those whom I try to warn they either fail to acknowledge it or choose to ignore it. Because of this, my fear that those dreams I’ve had will come to see fruition in a manner I had hoped deep down would never occur has heightened.
I’ve become that kid who is warning those trapped inside the dark walls that we are in a bad situation that will kill us all. I’ve also come to relate to that teen stuck on the bridge as she eyeballs the options sitting at all angles from where she’s standing. No option seems to be a safe one but I have to take it. I fear now that I have chosen that side that I didn’t do so quickly enough and am now finding myself still trapped between that bridge which has given out and the side that I have chosen. This is a strange spot to be in because I feel like I’m being held in place that I can probably best describe as suspension of faith.
I’ve also become that young adult who dreamt of the oddball houses where it seems simple enough on the outside, but as I dare to explore I find they’re more complicated than they appear. This is how I’ve always approached life as I’m not afraid to just pick up and explore and quite often I do find what seemed easy enough at the start has a few forks in the road that put me back to that unstable bridge feeling all over again. And now as an older adult, I see what’s going on with much clearer eyes and for the past two years I’ve been sounding off the best I can to warn those closest to me and even strangers. Up until 2014 I opted to keep my mouth shut for the most part because I was afraid of how people would react to what I have to say and I was afraid of being wrong. That all changed when I took the decision to take more control of my life and stop expecting others, including God, to help do it for me.
Did my dreams lead me to this point? Not really, but I don’t rule them out either. Dreams, just like our experiences in life, happen for a reason. This is my belief, whether it’s God trying to tell you something or merely your own mind weaving some sort of spiritual message that’s meant to reach deeper.