Global Sleeping Disorder

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Sleep is very difficult for me to come by as it is.  It’s hard to go to sleep and it’s hard to stay asleep.  This was even before I was truly awakened.

As a child, I was plagued by nightmares of people getting rounded up and thrown into box like rooms that had no lighting.  We’d be trapped there with no way out and before you knew it the walls were closing in and you just somehow knew you’d die in that room with everybody else.  Sandwiched.

I always managed to wake up before actually seeing the end and upon each occasion find myself in a moment of mourning because it felt so real.  This was before I was exposed to anything like horror movies and it was before the release of the first Star Wars movie was released into theatres.  I already this isn’t normal for a kid.

Another nightmare often experienced when I was a small kid was monsters coming by people’s homes and either killing everyone inside them, or crushing the house with everyone in it that saw to it no survivors came out of it.  Again, this is before watching anything that could cause a child to have such dreams and remember them so well.

Dreams of destruction has dominated my dreams from childhood to even today.  Each time I get them it feels like I’m the only one aware of what’s going on while everybody else remains oblivious.  I find today much of those nightmares stemming as far back as 40 years ago are being realized today.

And it’s not over yet.  I fear if the patterns of my nightmares are indeed developing into reality then we haven’t seen the worst yet.  It’s coming and to be quite frank, I’m terrified because I can literally see and feel things coming our way and I’m doing the best I can to warn and prep for it and so far it looks like all of it is in vain.

Just like the dream of the house collapsing on my friends and I was the only one that got out because I sensed it coming, I’m frantic trying to wake as many people up as I can and all I see is people either unable to wake up or refuses to see reality for what it really is.

Are the layers of bullshit so luxurious and thick that nobody wants to even try snapping out of it?  Apparently this is the case.  Even as a kid I could see it, although I didn’t really understand it at the time.  I was never popular in school, nor even at work for that matter.  Even among family I was pretty much the odd one out.  Although I did (and still do) have many friends, only a tiny fraction really seem to have an inkling who I really am and don’t seem to mind too much.

In feeble attempts to fit in by scheming up lies and dubious tactics, I realized along the way how much in the wrong I was.  I was so bent on enjoying those same luxuries (as how I saw it at the time) everyone else seemed to that I shut out reality around me for what it was.

Well, at least I tried to.  Every so often, like an alarm clock jolting you awake, I’d get a hit.  Those hits came in the form of dreams, whether it be by day or night, and it’d have me reeling each time.

I’m now at the point where I don’t want those luxuries anymore because I see them for what they are.  All of it are false blankets of security that have people trapped in boxes of conformity, and virtually all of them don’t see it.  Those walls around them are closing in.  The roof they think is protecting them is caving in.  I can see it.  They can’t, or would prefer not to because the reality of it is too scary.

For me, it’s the feeling of being on a crowded street and I can see a wall of fire coming straight for us and I’m the only person there that reacts.  Everybody else remains clueless as they opt to stay distracted with whatever devices fancy them.

Since becoming awakened, I don’t enjoy anything like I used to anymore.  Television, movies, music, games, etc.  You name it.  I peel away the layers of appeal and see the ugly truth behind it all.  Even when driving down a road or walking down a street I see things and see through the smokescreen.  Most people can’t, or just don’t want to.  When trying to point out what is obvious to me, they don’t clue in at all.  Instead, it’s a laugh or angry burst from them that tells me no matter how hard I try neither of us will ever be on the same level.

I clearly live in a different realm than those around me.  Those around me likely see me as mad and for what it’s worth I don’t care.  I’m quickly learning now that conformity is the true sign of madness as people are willing to forget who they really are and literally lie to themselves (and those closest to them) just so they don’t stick out from the crowd in a manner they’d be uncomfortable with.

I’ve stuck out since I was a kid.  It wasn’t fun.  Not easy having those from the “in crowd” mock everything you say or do and there’s no backup in your corner to shove them all into obscurity.  It wasn’t until I got out of school (didn’t graduate – left just prior) that I realized all those bullies (that’s exactly what they are) would never be anything more than cheap replicas of the Borg seen on the Star Trek series.  No matter how successful they’d become in life, in the end they’d still be every bit as clueless to reality now as they were as children.

Among my own family I can see who is awake and who isn’t.  All of them are asleep.  It’s no wonder even as a kid I could never really mesh with any of them and it’s even harder to do so now.  At one point, while at the funeral of an uncle, I considered a family reunion and was all determined to pull that off.  Now I don’t care anymore.  It’s not that I don’t like my family, but no matter how hard I try to be on the same page with them I know it’ll never happen.  Getting them to be on the same page as me is impossible.  They’re clueless.  All I can do at this point with them, just as I am with friends and strangers, is hope and pray that somehow they’ll come around before it’s too late and be in a better position to help themselves and their loved ones.

Like a drug addict or hapless drunk, nobody is going to pull themselves out of their own abyss until they’ve bottomed out to the point where they’re forced to wake up.  I’ve reached my bottom numerous times because I’m a stubborn one.  As often as I was jolted awake I fought like mad to go back to sleep as I hated dealing with reality that my world is riddled with bullshit.  Everything around me is false.  Everyone around me is false.  It sucks knowing as you stare at good friends that they’re too stupid to figure out death is looking over their shoulder with a demonic hunger waiting to devour them.

I hate admitting it that way, but that’s the truth.  I kept telling myself I’m being too harsh, but I honestly don’t think so.  At one point I thought maybe I was being arrogant, but again, I don’t think so.  Arrogance is falsely knowing you’re better than everyone else and I know for a fact I’m not this.  I’m not better.  I’m just concerned, that’s all.  Concerned, scared and aware.

Noah was aware and tried to warn.  Nobody listened.  Look how that turned out.  JFK was aware and tried to warn.  Nobody listened and he was taken out before he could warn again.  Same thing for Abraham Lincoln.  People who are warning are getting silenced by any means necessary by those whom are being warned about.

“Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil…”

So many chant this in their prayers but in reality nobody means it.  They don’t know what they’re chanting about.  Temptation is a world riddled with distractions to keep a person oblivious to the evils that await them as they embrace whatever it is that gives them maximum enjoyment.  I’m not saying we can’t enjoy life, but I am saying take heed what you’re doing and pay attention.

Nobody is paying attention.  Everybody has blinders on and it’s not only killing them, but the rest of us as well.  It’s really hard to be delivered from evil, people, when you openly embrace it with ignorance.  Wake up and let go!

I did.  Wasn’t easy.  I had to do it.  When I got the final jolt to wake up I realized going back to sleep and pretending everything is okay was no longer an option.  It’s tiring to be so awake and dare to speak out, but I’ve learned it’s necessary.  Temptations are still difficult for me to stay away from, but when you can see the evils that come with it, it becomes easier to train yourself to stay away from it.  This is what you need to do.  This is how you wake up and stay awake.  And it helps you focus.

I’m awake and focused.  I don’t have all the answers and I know full well I’ll wrong here and there, but I can no longer afford to go back to sleep and pretend nothing is wrong.  I can’t even allow myself to let “the other guys” handle it because history is showing they can’t.  Let “God” handle it?  Um, people, one of the seven deadly sins mentioned is sloth.  Sloth means standing back and be lazy instead of stepping forward and be vigilant.  Big difference here.

All sloths do is sleep.  Guess what, folks?  You’re not people anymore.  You’re zombies for as long as you continue to allow yourselves to be coddled by those who are literally cradling you to your deaths.

Wake up and become a person again.  Become you.  Take your life back and your humanity.  Nobody else, not even God, will do this for you.  You have to do this for yourself.

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