Dreams & Nightmares

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When I was between 4-8 years old, instead of dreaming of boogeymen, barbie dolls and monsters, I dreamt of things similar to these… (follow the pics from the top left to below it, then below it, then the big one on the right and finally the bottom pic.)

Imagine as a small kid experiencing this.  This was long before I watched my first horror film or anything that would remotely give a child these kinds of dreams.  Not even close.  Analyze what you will, I remember what I saw.  Remembered it when I was just a small kid and I remember it now.

I also had dreams within that age frame of unrecognizable people breaking inside my home as I’m in the living room and just either killing me and my family on the spot or taking us out and force us into those rooms I dreamt about.

This is before I knew about WWII and all that was done leading up to that war.

From a young teen onward I had dreams that were saw explorations of what started off simple into something very complex and each time I had mixed emotions out of it.  (Again, follow the pics, this time going from left to right on each row until the final pic you hit is the multi-room one.)

Those ones didn’t bother me so much.  Exploration.  No biggie.  It was always dreams of pushing myself forward instead of turning tail and going back.  Even if I wanted to, doing so would just get me even more lost, so I concluded just keep going no matter what.

Then 1986… (I’m 16 years old at this point) I got rocked with a biggie.  For some reason Vancouver, British Columbia comes to mind and I had never been there.  Dreamt it was rocked by a major earthquake (as did other cities stretching all along the west coast of North America) and there was no way to get out of it.  I remember standing on a bridge and trying to figure out which side is the safer to run to.  Neither option looked appealing.  By the time I made a move it was too late.  The bridge gave out and the descent to the raging water far below was imminent.  However, woke before actually seeing what the end result was.

That last dream bothers me a great deal.  Again, growing up I wasn’t into disaster movies or anything like that.  Really didn’t care about any of them and didn’t waste my time watching.  I was more into Duran Duran back then.

The ones I get now still see absolute destruction.  In every single one of them I see things going on and I try to warn everyone.  Everybody is oblivious.  I get out because I know I have to.  Others stay behind.  They get killed.  I don’t.  I explore and it’s all darkness.  Everything is dead, lonely and cold.  Not as bright and cheery as the exploring dreams as a teenager, but the end feel of each dream was the same.  It was mixed with sadness and relief when I awoke from them.

The best one for me was in 2008.  In it I woke up in the middle of a destroyed  room.  I was on a mattress in the middle of this room that seemed unscathed.  And so was I.  To me that was not possible.  I could see the world around me was destroyed.  There were no survivors that I could see.  All was silent.  Dead.

I get up and explore.  Find a door leading to the basement and I take it.  Not like I have anywhere else to go it seems, so why not?  I go down there, not knowing what to expect and well, here’s how to best describe it with pics.  Again go from left to right, from top to bottom.

 

I clued in the dream was the toy cars being of something that used to be a passion of mine as I enjoyed them a great deal as a kid.  Even as an adult, I love those things.  The temptation to steal them got into the picture because I figured if nobody is around who’d notice?  But then my better half told me it doesn’t matter.  Theft is still theft and it’s wrong.  So I resist, but then end up feeling guilty for even thinking about it in the first place.  Soon after I take my eyes away from what I learned was really nothing more than a distraction.  The moment I did this I looked up and saw a door slightly ajar.  As soon as you see this it’s impossible to ignore.  The room behind that door is so bright you literally squint when you look at it to give your eyes time to adjust.

But once they do, I approach the door to find out what’s in the room.  The closer I get the more I can see.  A part of me wants to run back to the distractions, but deep down I know this really isn’t a viable option.  I want answers.

I then see someone is sitting at a desk with his back turned to me.  I can tell he’s focused on some sort of task.  Not sure if it’s paperwork, but the impression given here is that I’m not even noticed.  Or at least so I think.  I then wonder if the person knew I was tempted to take those toy cars and was testing me to see if I’d do it.  Or, does he honestly not know I was there?

I knew he was aware of my presence.  I could sense it.  Even though he didn’t look up nor show signs he acknowledged I was there, I just knew.

Yes, it was a he.  Here’s another one for you.  He was dark skinned.  The room and his clothes were too bright for me to see just how dark he was, but definitely not the white pigmentation on his skin like on mine.  But in all honesty I didn’t care.  I was so awestruck by this person and at first I felt a mix of fear and guilt when I first saw him, but the second I was literally at the doorstep of this room I calmed.  It was like knowing it was “him” and from that second on I no longer had a need to feel anything else other than relief.

It’s hard to explain, but already knew from that point forward that somehow I’m at some sort of odd spiritual level I’ve never been at before.  It’s impossible to explain this to anyone and often I just shut up about it.

But, as I see from 2008 onward spiralling out of control like never before, I don’t think I have that luxury anymore.  I’m feeling compelled to speak out more.  Some of my dreams seems to have become reality and I fear the rest of them will too.

And I won’t even go into the visions I wind up seeing while wide awake that pop into my skull in what seems like out of the blue stuff that is just too scary to go into.

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