I’m Sorry

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Misunderstandings happen.

Now, am I apologizing for anything in specific here based on the title I’ve chosen for this particular blog post?

The answer to that is both yes and no.

Yes, because I wish I had kept my eyes opened wide enough the first time I got jolted from my slumber when I was even just a small child.  Granted, children often cannot grasp the complexity of awkward nightmares that plague them that had nothing to do with horror movies or graphic stories they’ve watched or been told about.  Adults can’t, so expecting a child to do any better is unrealistic.

I also apologize for not being more vigilant when my wake up calls alerted me to the real truths.  I chose to shut everything out.  Wasn’t in denial, but simply kept my mouth shut for a series of reasons that go from not wanting to offend people to not wanting to draw unwanted attention my way and possibly being in the wrong with my viewpoints.  I know I’m not perfect and I know I don’t have all the answers.

But, did Noah have all the answers when he built his ark?  When God “spoke” to him, which is what I believe is a very direct form of a wake up call as there were specific agendas set into place at that time, Noah had no idea what was really in store.  All he knew was he had to build something to protect pairs of various wildlife from a grand flood that was soon incoming.  It was the job of he and his family to serve as stewards for these animals until the time came where they no longer needed to do so.

In this time frame, Noah tried to warn, as this was also part of what he was told to do.  He warned.  Nobody listened.  By the time they clued in what was in store it was too late.

Sometimes I feel like Noah.  I see things coming and sense things coming that I guess only the messenger can understand.  No matter how clear the translation is, or how well a picture is presented, people tend to see only what they want to see.  It’s easier to be coddled in a cradle of lies than it is to jump off the bandwagon and tread down the rocky road of truth.  It’s easier to let our eyes serve as our compass as it focuses only on the bright lights as opposed to closing those eyes and letting our gut instinct serve as our guide through even the darkest zones.

As I apologize for not being more vigilant right from the beginning, at the same time I do not apologize for being that way now.  I do not apologize for daring to speak up and if I offend you with what I have to say, how I prefer to think and how I go about it I’ve learned that’s more your problem than it is mine.  I do not believe in directly attacking any given person in a manner that paints me as a bully, but I will not coddle that person into a false sense of security either.  I have no problem listening to all sides of an argument, but I will have a problem if the presenter comes across as an idiot rather than a rational human being that just happens to see things differently than I do.

I love it when people have differences.  It shows our diversity and challenges each of us to take a moment to look at something with as many angles as possible.  Of this nobody should ever feel ashamed nor apologize for.

However, if it’s done in a manner where bullying is the preferred tactic over respectful negotiations then it does become a problem and that’s where a person needs to take a moment to breathe and apologize for attempting to be so forceful.  It has been my experience and observation that forceful people are always in the wrong as they shove their belief system in a manner that comes across as one-sided, and this is where so many people screw up.  So tunnel-visioned with their views, even if they are in the right, the wrongful way they go about it is guaranteed to have a backfire effect that will result in a senseless war instead of an intellectual agreement to disagree.

I don’t, nor will I ever, apologize for who I am.  I am me.  It took me over 40 years to come to terms with who I am, what I am, and why I’m here and not you nor any other human being for that matter is in a rightful position to convince me otherwise.  And I will not apologize by telling you the exact same thing about you.  You are who you are, what you are and why you’re here.

I will also not apologize for believing in God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit and in the Holy Bible.  I do not apologize for following a path I have chosen for myself because it’s mostly guided by my gut feeling rather than the dulled senses of eyesight and heartbeats.

I actually do apologize for the occasional caving into the desire to lash out against those who’ve wronged me in a manner I know flat out was unjustified as each time those are done with childish tactics that bring out the worst in me.  I also do apologize for engaging in greed, vanity, gluttony, jealousy, lust and laziness as I’ve seen personally how unproductive those traits have been in literally anything I’ve ever done.

However, as much as I apologize for doing those, I don’t apologize for the experiences I’ve gained from doing them because they taught me valuable lessons needed in order to become a better person.  And I don’t do this for God’s sake, nor to appease Jesus.  I do it for myself because it is I that needs to be healed above and beyond anything else that matters.

That is how a human being moves forward.  Apologize for the mistakes you’ve made, but don’t apologize if the experiences you’ve learned from it makes you want to be a better person so you don’t repeat them.  That’s the whole point behind repenting in the first place.

Repenting for your sins isn’t necessarily something to apologize to God for.  It’s more about apologizing to yourself as each time you do a wrong, you’ve just injured a piece of your soul.  That soul is connected to the Holy Spirit.  When the soul is damaged, the life force that connects you to that spirit is weakened.  The only way you can strengthen it is to heal yourself by acknowledging your mistakes and making every effort possible to avoid making them again.

Not enough people do this.

Too many people, instead of accepting their faults and the responsibilities they owe themselves to move forward, they go into denial.  Through rage, pride, jealousy and greed they carry out actions without putting enough thought into exactly what it is they’re doing.  Most people are good by nature, but each of us have threads of evil within us that are waiting to be sewn together so all that goodness gets buried too deep to be noticed.

By birth, it’s human nature to love.  With that love comes the desire to learn.  Sadly, these traits get abused so often that too many wind up conditioned with a line of thinking that clouds proper judgment.  In turn, it causes people to carry out actions they likely wouldn’t do otherwise.  In cases like these, they must apologize and atone for those misdeeds if they expect to heal themselves enough to go back to that human nature trait they were originally born with.

Too many people don’t do this, though.  Pride prevents people from apologizing and learning from their mistakes.  Pride also serves as the primary catalyst to starting arguments and wars that may seem to make sense at the time when they engage in them, but when all the smokescreens are taken away the stupidity of it all becomes too apparent to ignore.

And this is where I feel the need to apologize on behalf of mankind.  As Jesus said when he was being flogged and crucified, he cried out “they not know what they do” I tend to agree with him because clouded people are carrying out their actions without realizing just how wrong they are in doing so.

The excuse “at least their hearts are in the right place” doesn’t wash with me.  Not anymore.  Hearts are just as easily deceived and can be just as easily abusive as our eyes.  Mankind has much to apologize for and much to atone for.  I’m not God, but even I know this.  And for those falsely believing Jesus will automatically save regardless if you do right or wrong, you need to apologize both to him and to yourself for such a lazy way of thinking.

Remember, one of the sins we must atone for is sloth.  Jesus is our savior, yes, but it’s futile to save something that doesn’t wish to be saved.  Just like a drunk or drug addict, unless the person is willing to snap out of the state they got themselves into, no amount of help extended to that person will rescue him/her from whatever abyss they’ve plunged themselves into.  They have to snap out of it themselves and take those important steps forward if they hope to survive.

The first and most important step to move forward is through the humbling effect of a personal apology to anyone and everyone that comes to mind, including yourself.  Don’t forget yourself!  If you can’t apologize to yourself nor forgive yourself you have no chance!  You have to heal yourself so that you can achieve the strength you need in order to move forward because it’s not going to be an easy journey.

Those evil threads within us are always eager to go back to work and will find any means to do so.  By apologizing and meaning it as you do so, you’re shoving those evils back into the unemployment line where they belong.  Let the good nature within you have their jobs back to help define who you really are, why you’re really here and what you’re really supposed to do with your life.

Once you’ve gone there then you’ve got very little left to apologize for.  You then become a better, stronger person for it and people will likely wind up apologizing to you once it’s their turn to come around.


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